just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
