Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
