SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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