i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im holly from the hills drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
