I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize