she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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