I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
