I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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