marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
People in love make me want to vomit
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
