Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
