Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
