Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
