I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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