Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize