Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
