theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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