Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
