How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
