So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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