I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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