I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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