Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize