no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
