I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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