haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
