Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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