Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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