she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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