Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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