stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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