"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
