her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
