An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize