Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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