so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
