Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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