so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
