aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
