how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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