and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
