You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Say something about gay babies.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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