and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ketchup is God's man juice
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
