I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize