There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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