4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could make wine with my vomit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize