I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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