so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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