I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
