the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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