i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
