I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
