I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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