Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
