Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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