physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize