im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
