Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i came on her dog
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize