i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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