He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
