you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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