I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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