So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize