Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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