you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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