shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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