There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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