come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
