Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it glows. i had to have it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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