She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They have beer where we have blood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
