Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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