the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
